Born this way

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My calves have disowned me.

No, I’m not a dairy farmer with mutinous livestock.

I’ve just had my second run this week from Week 3 of the Couch to 5K app. And now I’m feeling it.  Mind you, it didn’t stop me from tagging a little extra run at the end, if only to keep the offending muscles moving. And you can’t beat a bit of Lady Gaga as you’re trotting along for some self-affirmation.  Oh, and it sets pace beautifully too. Normally I’d say ‘my morning run’ but today it was more of a lunchtime one because this morning has lived up to its traditional weather – April showers.

Of course, you have to understand that I was only waiting for the rain to slacken off so as not to get my iPhone wet – ahem – but it didn’t look like it was going to so I thought, what the heck – am I a man or a mogwai?

Neither.

Ah. Didn’t really think that one though, did I?

Now it could be because yesterday was a 20mg day, or that my body is finally getting used to this 20mg/10mg regime, but I’m actually starting to feel some of the old me coming back. Ah. another statement I didn’t think through.  Not the old, scared-of-everything, permanently anxious me, but the good bits that existed in the old me, before the breakdown killed them off, the medication buried them and the therapy laid them to rest. RIP uncertainty, unnecessary guilt, low self-esteem and fear.

I’m keeping the good bits.

Long live passion, creativity, wit, humour, eccentricity, love, intelligence and compassion.

It’s what I like to call the Pix’n’Mix personality.  I know that this mercurial thing is just part of who I am, part of my DNA. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to have that emotional clear-out.

Bad stuff – going, going, gone!

Good stuff – well, come on in! Make yourself at home!

So what if I can’t run 5K yet?  There’s lots of things I can’t do – yet.

And that ‘yet‘ is a very important part of the equation.

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4 responses »

  1. Nice, and good to see the depression lessening, coming off citalopram can be hit and miss, I know all about that! But I prefer being off of it now…and I know it’s always there as a back up if I need it.
    Keep going, and lots of love, Theresa xxx

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